I guess I'll take vacation again

I feel like... I can't believe five days just flew by. And I also feel like... I need this week-long vacation more than I really needed the last. But the reasons for it are pretty close to 'my cup runnith over.'

So tomorrow morning I leave for Wisconsin. What was to be a fun, relaxing week up north in the Wisconsin woods, is now kind of... a possible... goodbye to a very special person in my life. Since grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer — two months ago? — I've pushed it deep inside. It's not real because last I remember seeing her, she looked good. The last time I talked to her, even during her chemo treatments, she sounded great. But now I'll be seeing her face-to-face.

I'm told the radiation is now taking more of a toll on her body. She's lost weight and looks ashen. She's in her bed a lot. And, it makes me sad. So I try not to think about it. But knowing me, I'll see her and burst into tears. Maybe that would be best — get the sadness and tears out of the way — and leave the rest of the visit really cherishing my moments with grandma without crying. Because I know crying will only make her sad.

A breakdown is sure to happen.